Live by Your Values
Live by Your Values
What are your core values?
I’ve never fully enumerated them, but a few examples:
Honesty is a core, core, core value. By honesty, I mean I want to be able to just be me. I never want to be in an environment or around people where I have to watch what I say. If I disconnect what I’m thinking from what I’m saying, it creates multiple threads in my mind. I’m no longer in the moment—now I have to be future-planning or past-regretting every time I talk to somebody. Anyone around whom I can’t be fully honest, I don’t want to be around.
Before you can lie to another, you must first lie to yourself.
Another example of a foundational value: I don’t believe in any short-term thinking or dealing. If I’m doing business with somebody and they think in a short-term manner with somebody else, then I don’t want to do business with them anymore. All benefits in life come from compound interest, whether in money, relationships, love, health, activities, or habits. I only want to be around people I know I’m going to be around for the rest of my life. I only want to work on things I know have long-term payout.
Another one is I only believe in peer relationships. I don’t believe in hierarchical relationships. I don’t want to be above anybody, and I don’t want to be below anybody. If I can’t treat someone like a peer and if they can’t treat me like peer, I just don’t want to interact with them.
Another: I don’t believe in anger anymore. Anger was good when I was young and full of testosterone, but now I like the Buddhist saying, “Anger is a hot coal you hold in your hand while waiting to throw it at somebody.” I don’t want to be angry, and I don’t want to be around angry people. I just cut them out of my life. I’m not judging them. I went through a lot of anger too. They have to work through it on their own. Go be angry at someone else, somewhere else.
I don’t know if these necessarily fall into the classical definition of values, but it’s a set of things I won’t compromise on and I live my entire life by. [4]
I think everybody has values. Much of finding great relationships, great coworkers, great lovers, wives, husbands, is finding other people where your values line up. If your values line up, the little things don’t matter. Generally, I find if people are fighting or quarreling about something, it’s because their values don’t line up. If their values lined up, the little things wouldn’t matter. [4]
Meeting my wife was a great test because I really wanted to be with her, and she wasn’t so sure at the beginning. In the end, we ended up together because she saw my values. I am lucky I had developed them by that point. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten her. I wouldn’t have deserved her. As investor Charlie Munger says, “To find a worthy mate, be worthy of a worthy mate.” [4]
My wife is an incredibly lovely, family-oriented person, and so am I. That was one of the foundational values that brought us together.
The moment you have a child, it’s this really weird thing, but it answers the meaning-of-life, purpose-of-life, question. All of a sudden, the most important thing in the Universe moves from being in your body into the child’s body. That changes you. Your values inherently become a lot less selfish. [4]
按照你的价值观生活
你的核心价值观是什么？
我从未完整列举过我的核心价值观，但有一些例子可以分享：
诚实是我的核心、核心、核心价值观。对于诚实，我的意思是我想能够做真实的自己。我不想处在一种环境或是跟那些人待在一起，以至于我需要小心翼翼地说话。如果我把我在想的和我在说的分开了，那我的脑海中就会产生多条思绪。我就不再活在当下了——每次和别人交谈时，我都会得规划未来或是后悔过去。任何不能让我完全诚实的人，我都不想跟他们在一起。
在你欺骗别人之前，你必须先欺骗自己。
另一个基础价值观的例子是：我不相信任何短期思维或交易。如果我在和某人做生意，而他们对别人表现出短期思维，那我就不再想和他们做生意了。生活中的所有好处都来源于复利，无论是金钱、关系、爱、健康、活动，还是习惯。我只想和那些我知道会陪伴我一生的人在一起。我只想做那些有长期回报的事情。
还有一个价值观是，我只相信平等的关系。我不相信层级关系。我不想高人一等，也不想低人一等。如果我不能把某人当作平等的人对待，或者他们不能把我当作平等的人对待，那我就不想与他们互动。
再有，我不再相信愤怒。愤怒在我年轻、充满雄性激素的时候也许是有用的，但现在我更喜欢佛教的一句格言：“愤怒就像一块炽热的煤炭，你拿在手里，等待扔向别人。”我不想愤怒，也不想和愤怒的人在一起。我只是把他们从我的生活中剔除。我并不是在评判他们，我自己也经历过很多愤怒。他们需要自己去克服愤怒。去对别人发火吧，别在我这里。
我不知道这些是否符合传统意义上的“价值观”的定义，但它们是一套我绝不会妥协的准则，我以此生活。 [4]
我认为每个人都有自己的价值观。找到伟大的关系、出色的同事、合适的爱人、妻子或丈夫，其中很大一部分就是找到那些与你的价值观一致的人。如果你们的价值观一致，那些小事就都无关紧要了。通常我发现，如果人们在某些事情上争吵，那是因为他们的价值观不一致。如果他们的价值观一致，那么那些小事根本不会成为问题。 [4]
遇见我妻子是一个很好的考验，因为我真的很想和她在一起，但一开始她并不是那么确定。最终我们走到了一起，因为她看到了我的价值观。我很幸运在那时我已经形成了这些价值观。如果没有，我就不会赢得她的心，也不配拥有她。正如投资人查理·芒格所说，“要找到一个值得的伴侣，首先你要配得上一个值得的伴侣。” [4]
我的妻子是一个非常可爱、重视家庭的人，而我也是。这是将我们连结在一起的基础价值观之一。
当你有了孩子的那一刻，这是一种非常奇妙的感觉，但它解答了关于“生命的意义”和“生活的目的”的问题。突然之间，宇宙中最重要的东西从你的身体移到了孩子的身体里。这改变了你。你的价值观自然而然地变得不那么自私了。 [4]