Choosing to Build Yourself
Choosing to Build Yourself
The greatest superpower is the ability to change yourself.
What’s the biggest mistake you’ve made in your life and how did you recover?
I’ve made a class of mistakes I would summarize the same way. The mistakes were obvious only in hindsight through one exercise, which is asking yourself: when you’re thirty, what advice would you give your twenty-year-old self? And when you’re forty, what advice would you give your thirty-year-old self? (Maybe if you’re younger, you can do it by every five years.) Sit down and say, “Okay, 2007, what was I doing? How was I feeling? 2008, what was I doing? How was I feeling? 2009, what was I doing? How was I feeling?”
Life is going to play out the way it’s going to play out. There will be some good and some bad. Most of it is actually just up to your interpretation. You’re born, you have a set of sensory experiences, and then you die. How you choose to interpret those experiences is up to you, and different people interpret them in different ways.
Really, I wish I had done all of the same things, but with less emotion and less anger. The most celebrated example would be when I was younger, I started a company. This company did well, but I didn’t do well, so I sued some of the people involved. It was a good outcome for me in the end, and everything worked out okay, but there was a lot of angst and a lot of anger.
Today, I wouldn’t have the angst and the anger. I would have just walked up to the people and said, “Look, this is what happened. This is what I’m going to do. This is how I’m going to do it. This is what’s fair. This is what’s not.”
I would have realized the anger and emotions are a huge, completely unnecessary consequence. Now, I’m trying to learn from that and do the same things I think are the right things to do but without anger and with a very long-term point of view. If you take a very long-term point of view and take the emotion out of it, I wouldn’t consider those things mistakes anymore. [4]
Again, habits are everything—everything we are. We are trained in habits from when we are children, including potty training, when to cry and when not to, how to smile and when not to. These things become habits—behaviors we learn and integrate into ourselves.
When we’re older, we’re a collection of thousands of habits constantly running subconsciously. We have a little bit of extra brainpower in our neocortex for solving new problems. You become your habits.
This came to light for me when my trainer gave me a routine to do every single day. I had never worked out every single day before. It’s a light workout. It’s not tough on your body, but I did this workout every single day. I realized the incredible, astonishing transformation it had on me both physically and mentally.
To have peace of mind, you have to have peace of body first.
This taught me the power of habits. I started realizing it’s all about habits. At any given time, I’m either trying to pick up a good habit or discard a previous bad habit. It takes time.
If someone says, “I want to be fit, I want to be healthy. Right now, I’m out of shape and I’m fat.” Well, nothing sustainable is going to work for you in three months. It’s going to be at least a ten-year journey. Every six months (depending on how fast you can do it), you’re going to break bad habits and pick up good habits. [6]
One of the things Krishnamurti talks about is being in an internal state of revolution. You should always be internally ready for a complete change. Whenever we say we’re going to try to do something or try to form a habit, we’re wimping out.
We’re just saying to ourselves, “I’m going to buy myself some more time.” The reality is when our emotions want us to do something, we just do it. If you want to go approach a pretty girl, if you want to have a drink, if you really desire something, you just go do it.
When you say, “I’m going to do this,” and “I’m going to be that,” you’re really putting it off. You’re giving yourself an out. At least if you’re self-aware, you can think, “‘I say I want to do this, but I don’t really because if I really wanted to do it, I would just do it.”
Commit externally to enough people. For example, if you want to quit smoking, all you have to do is go to everybody you know and say, “I quit smoking. I did it. I give you my word.”
That’s all you need to do. Go ahead, right? But most of us say we’re not quite ready. We know we don’t want to commit ourselves externally. It’s important to be honest with yourself and say, “Okay, I’m not ready to give up smoking. I like it too much, it is going to be too hard for me to give up.”
Say instead, “I’ll set a more reasonable goal for myself; I’ll cut down to the following amount. I can commit to that externally. I’m going to work on that for three or six months. When I get there, I’ll take the next step, as opposed to beating myself up over it.”
When you really want to change, you just change. But most of us don’t really want to change—we don’t want to go through the pain just yet. At least recognize it, be aware of it, and give yourself a smaller change you can actually carry out. [6]
Impatience with actions, patience with results.
Anything you have to do, just get it done. Why wait? You’re not getting any younger. Your life is slipping away. You don’t want to spend it waiting in line. You don’t want to spend it traveling back and forth. You don’t want to spend it doing things you know ultimately aren’t part of your mission.
When you do them, you want to do them as quickly as you can while doing them well with your full attention. But then, you just have to be patient with the results because you’re dealing with complex systems and many people.
It takes a long time for markets to adopt products. It takes time for people to get comfortable working with each other. It takes time for great products to emerge as you polish away, polish away, polish away. Impatience with actions, patience with results. As Nivi said, inspiration is perishable. When you have inspiration, act on it right then and there. [78]
选择塑造自我
最强大的超能力，是改变自己的能力。
你人生中犯过最大的错误是什么？你是如何恢复的？
我犯过一类错误，可以用同样的方式概括。通过一个练习我才后知后觉这些错误显而易见：问问自己，当你三十岁时，你会给二十岁的自己什么建议？而当你四十岁时，你会给三十岁的自己什么建议？（如果你还年轻，可以每五年问一次。）坐下来想：“好了，2007年，我在做什么？我当时感觉如何？2008年，我在做什么？我当时感觉如何？2009年，我在做什么？我当时感觉如何？”
生活会按照它的方式展开。生活中会有好的部分，也会有不好的部分。大部分事情其实都取决于你的解读。你出生，经历一系列感官体验，然后你离开人世。你如何选择解释这些经历取决于你自己，而不同的人会有不同的解读方式。
说实话，我希望我做过的所有事情仍然是一样的，只是情绪上少一些，愤怒也少一些。最知名的例子是，当我年轻时，我创办了一家公司。这家公司做得不错，但我自己却处理得不好，于是我起诉了其中一些人。最终，这对我来说是一个好的结果，一切都顺利解决，但在过程中充满了焦虑和愤怒。
今天，我不会再有那些焦虑和愤怒。我会直接走到这些人面前说：“看，这就是发生的事情。这是我将要做的事。这是我会如何做的。这是公正的部分，这是什么不公的部分。”
我会意识到愤怒和情绪是完全不必要的巨大代价。现在，我在努力从中学习，仍然做我认为正确的事，但不带愤怒，并用非常长远的眼光来看待。如果你以非常长远的眼光看待事情，并且去除情绪，我就不会再认为那些事情是错误了。[4]
习惯是所有的一切——我们的一切。从小我们就被训练养成各种习惯，包括如厕训练，什么时候哭什么时候不哭，如何微笑以及何时不笑。这些东西成为了习惯——我们学会并融入自身的行为。
当我们长大后，我们就是由数以千计的习惯组成的，它们在潜意识里不断运行。而我们的新皮层则有一些额外的脑力，用来解决新的问题。你会变成你的习惯。
这点对我来说是在我的教练给了我一个每天都要做的例行训练时得以体现的。我以前从未每天锻炼过。这是个轻松的锻炼，不会对身体造成太大负担，但我每天都坚持这个锻炼。我意识到它对我无论是身体上还是心理上的转变都极为巨大、令人惊讶。
想要心灵平静，首先需要身体平静。
这让我明白了习惯的力量。我开始意识到，一切都与习惯有关。在任何时间，我要么在尝试培养一个好习惯，要么在丢弃一个旧的坏习惯。这需要时间。
如果有人说：“我想要健康，想要健身。但我现在不健康，超重。”那么，任何可以持续的改变在三个月内都无法实现。这至少会是一个十年的旅程。每六个月（取决于你有多快），你将打破坏习惯，并养成好习惯。[6]
克里希那穆提曾谈到的一件事是，保持内在的革命状态。你应该始终做好内在彻底改变的准备。每当我们说我们会尝试做某件事，或者尝试养成某种习惯时，我们其实是在逃避。
我们只是在对自己说：“我要给自己多一点时间。”现实是，当我们的情绪驱使我们去做某事时，我们就会去做。如果你想走上前去接近一个漂亮的女孩，如果你想喝一杯酒，如果你真的渴望某件事，你就会去做。
当你说“我要做这件事”、“我要成为那样的人”时，你其实是在拖延。你给了自己一个逃避的理由。至少如果你有自知之明，你可以想：“我说我想做这件事，但其实我不是真的想做，因为如果我真的想做，我早就做了。”
向足够多的人作出外部承诺。例如，如果你想戒烟，你只需要对你认识的所有人说：“我戒烟了。我做到了。我向你们承诺。”
就这么做，对吧？但我们大多数人会说自己还没准备好。我们知道自己不愿意做出外部承诺。重要的是对自己诚实地说：“好吧，我还没准备好放弃吸烟。我太喜欢它了，戒掉对我来说太难了。”
不如说：“我会为自己设定一个更合理的目标；我会减少到以下的数量。我可以对这个数量作出承诺。我会在三到六个月内努力实现这个目标。等我达到了，再迈出下一步，而不是为自己做不到而感到沮丧。”
当你真的想改变时，你就会改变。但我们大多数人并不真的想改变——我们还不想经历痛苦。至少要认识到这一点，意识到它，并为自己设定一个可以真正实现的小目标。[6]
行动要急，结果需耐心。
凡事你必须做的，就去做。为什么要等？你不会变得更年轻。你的生命在流逝。你不想把它浪费在排队等候上。你不想把它浪费在来回奔波上。你不想把它浪费在那些你知道最终不属于你使命的事情上。
当你做这些事时，你要尽快去做，同时全神贯注地做好。但随后，你就必须对结果保持耐心，因为你正在与复杂的系统和很多人打交道。
市场接受新产品需要时间。人们彼此熟悉、舒适地共事需要时间。伟大的产品也需要时间，不断打磨，不断改进。对行动要急，对结果要耐心。正如Nivi所说，灵感是易逝的。当你有灵感时，要立刻付诸行动。[78]