Envy Is the Enemy of Happiness
Envy Is the Enemy of Happiness
I don’t think life is that hard. I think we make it hard. One of the things I’m trying to get rid of is the word “should.” Whenever the word “should” creeps up in your mind, it’s guilt or social programming. Doing something because you “should” basically means you don’t actually want to do it. It’s just making you miserable, so I’m trying to eliminate as many “shoulds” from my life as possible. [1]
The enemy of peace of mind is expectations drilled into you by society and other people.
Socially, we’re told, “Go work out. Go look good.” That’s a multiplayer competitive game. Other people can see if I’m doing a good job or not. We’re told, “Go make money. Go buy a big house.” Again, external multiplayer competitive game. Training yourself to be happy is completely internal. There is no external progress, no external validation. You’re competing against yourself—it is a single-player game.
We’re like bees or ants. We are such social creatures, we’re externally programmed and driven. We don’t know how to play and win these single-player games anymore. We compete purely in multiplayer games.
The reality is life is a single-player game. You’re born alone. You’re going to die alone. All of your interpretations are alone.
All your memories are alone. You’re gone in three generations, and nobody cares. Before you showed up, nobody cared. It’s all single player.
Perhaps one reason why yoga and meditation are hard to sustain is they have no extrinsic value. Purely single-player games.
Buffett has a great example when he asks if you want to be the world’s best lover and known as the worst, or the world’s worst lover and known as the best? [paraphrased] in reference to an inner or external scorecard.
Exactly right. All the real scorecards are internal.
Jealousy was a very hard emotion for me to overcome. When I was young, I had a lot of jealousy. By and by, I learned to get rid of it. It still crops up every now and then. It’s such a poisonous emotion because, at the end of the day, you’re no better off with jealousy. You’re unhappier, and the person you’re jealous of is still successful or good-looking or whatever they are.
One day, I realized with all these people I was jealous of, I couldn’t just choose little aspects of their life. I couldn’t say I want his body, I want her money, I want his personality. You have to be that person. Do you want to actually be that person with all of their reactions, their desires, their family, their happiness level, their outlook on life, their self-image? If you’re not willing to do a wholesale, 24/7, 100 percent swap with who that person is, then there is no point in being jealous.
Once I came to that realization, jealousy faded away because I don’t want to be anybody else. I’m perfectly happy being me. By the way, even that is under my control. To be happy being me. It’s just there are no social rewards for it. [4]
嫉妒是幸福的敌人
我不认为生活有那么难。我认为是我们自己让它变得困难。现在我想要摆脱的一个词是“应该”。每当“应该”这个词在你的脑海中冒出来时，它意味着内疚或社会编程。因为你“应该”做某事，其实就意味着你并不真正想做它。这只会让你痛苦，所以我正努力从我的生活中尽可能多地消除这些“应该”[1]。
心灵平静的敌人是那些社会和他人强加给你的期望。
在社会上，我们被告知：“去健身吧。去让自己看起来更好。” 这是一种多人竞争的游戏。别人可以看到你是否做得好。我们被告知：“去赚钱吧。去买一栋大房子。” 这同样是外部的多人竞争游戏。而训练自己变得幸福是完全内部的事情。没有外部的进展，也没有外部的验证。你是在与自己竞争——这是一个单人游戏。
我们就像蜜蜂或蚂蚁一样。我们是如此社会化的生物，受到外部编程和驱动。我们已经不再知道如何玩并赢得这些单人游戏了。我们只是在多人游戏中竞赛。
现实是，生活其实是一个单人游戏。你独自出生，你也将独自离世。所有的解读都是你一个人的。
你所有的记忆也都是你一个人的。三代人之后，你的存在就被人们遗忘了，没有人会在意。在你出现之前，也没有人在意。这一切都是单人游戏。
也许瑜伽和冥想难以坚持的原因之一是它们没有外在的价值——它们是纯粹的单人游戏。
巴菲特举了一个很好的例子：他问你是否愿意成为世界上最好的情人，却被认为是最差的，或者成为世界上最差的情人，却被认为是最好的？[意译] 这其实是在内心与外部得分卡之间做选择。
正是如此。所有真正的得分卡都是内部的。
嫉妒曾是我非常难以克服的一种情绪。年轻时，我充满了嫉妒。但逐渐地，我学会了摆脱它。虽然它偶尔还会冒出来，但它是一种非常有害的情绪，因为到最后，嫉妒只会让你更不快乐，而你嫉妒的那个人依旧成功、依旧漂亮，或者依旧拥有你所羡慕的东西。
有一天，我意识到，对于这些让我嫉妒的人，我无法只选择他们生活中的某些方面。我不能只想要他的体型、她的钱、他的人格。你必须成为那个人。你是否真的愿意成为那个人，拥有他们所有的反应、欲望、家庭、幸福感、生活态度、自我形象？如果你不愿意做一个全面的、24/7、100% 的交换，那么嫉妒根本没有意义。
当我意识到这一点时，嫉妒就消失了，因为我并不想成为任何其他人。我很高兴做我自己。顺便说一句，连这也是在我的掌控之中。让我自己感到幸福的也是由我自己决定的。只不过，这并没有任何社会上的奖励。[4]