Success Does Not Earn Happiness
Success Does Not Earn Happiness
Happiness is being satisfied with what you have.
Success comes from dissatisfaction. Choose.
Confucius says you have two lives, and the second one begins when you realize you only have one. When and how did your second life begin?
That’s a very deep question. Most people who are past a certain age have had this feeling or phenomenon; they’ve gone through life a certain way and then gotten to a certain stage and had to make some pretty big changes. I’m definitely also in that boat.
I struggled for a lot of my life to have certain material and social successes. When I achieved those material and social successes (or at least was beyond a point where they didn’t matter as much), I realized the people around me who had achieved similar successes and were on their way to achieving more didn’t seem all that happy. In my case, there was definitely hedonic adaptation: I’d very quickly get used to anything.
This led me to the conclusion, which seems trite, that happiness is internal. That conclusion set me on a path of working more on my internal self and realizing all real success is internal and has very little to do with external circumstances.
One has to do the external thing anyway. We’re biologically hard-wired. It’s glib to say, “You can just turn it off.” Your own life experience will bring you back to the internal path. [7]
The problem with getting good at a game, especially one with big rewards, is you continue playing it long after you should have outgrown it.
Survival and replication drive put us on the work treadmill. Hedonic adaptation keeps us there. The trick is knowing when to jump off and play instead.
Who do you think of as successful?
Most people think of someone as successful when they win a game, whatever game they play themselves. If you’re an athlete, you’re going to think of a top athlete. If you’re in business, you might think Elon Musk.
A few years ago, I would have said Steve Jobs, because he was part of the driving force creating something that changed lives for all of humanity. I think Marc Andreessen is successful, not because of his recent incarnation as a venture capitalist, but because of the incredible work he did with Netscape. Satoshi Nakamoto is successful in that he created Bitcoin, which is this incredible technological creation that will have repercussions for decades to come. Of course, Elon Musk, because he changed everyone’s viewpoint on what is possible with modern technology and entrepreneurship. I consider those creators and commercializers successful.
To me, the real winners are the ones who step out of the game entirely, who don’t even play the game, who rise above it. Those are the people who have such internal mental and self-control and self-awareness, they need nothing from anybody else. There are a couple of these characters I know in my life. Jerzy Gregorek—I would consider him successful because he doesn’t need anything from anybody. He’s at peace, he’s healthy, and whether he makes more money or less money compared to the next person has no effect on his mental state.
Historically, I would say the legendary Buddha or Krishnamurti, whose stuff I like reading, they are successful in the sense that they step out of the game entirely. Winning or losing does not matter to them.
There’s a line from Blaise Pascal I read. Basically, it says: “All of man’s troubles arise because he cannot sit in a room quietly by himself.” If you could just sit for thirty minutes and be happy, you are successful. That is a very powerful place to be, but very few of us get there. [6]
I think of happiness as an emergent property of peace. If you’re peaceful inside and out, that will eventually result in happiness. But peace is a very hard thing to come by. The irony is the way most of us try to find peace is through war. When you start a business, in a way, you’re going to war. When you struggle with your roommates as to who should clean the dishes, you’re going to war. You’re struggling so you can have some sense of security and peace later.
In reality, peace is not a guarantee. It’s always flowing. It’s always changing. You want to learn the core skill set of flowing with life and accepting it in most cases. [8]
You can get almost anything you want out of life, as long as it’s one thing and you want it far more than anything else.
In my own personal experience, the place I end up the most is wanting to be at peace.
Peace is happiness at rest, and happiness is peace in motion. You can convert peace into happiness anytime you want. But peace is what you want most of the time. If you’re a peaceful person, anything you do will be a happy activity.
Today, the way we think you get peace is by resolving all your external problems. But there are unlimited external problems. The only way to actually get peace on the inside is by giving up this idea of problems. [77]
成功无法带来幸福
幸福就是对你所拥有的感到满足。
成功源于不满足。选择吧。
孔子说，人有两次生命，第二次生命从你意识到只有一次生命时开始。你的第二次生命是何时、如何开始的？
这是一个非常深刻的问题。大多数年纪到了一定程度的人都有过这种感悟或现象：他们曾按照某种方式生活，直到某个阶段，发现自己需要做出一些重大改变。我也不例外。
我在很大一段人生中为物质和社会地位而挣扎。当我获得了这些物质和社会的成功（或者至少达到了它们不再那么重要的程度）时，我意识到周围那些取得了类似成就并继续前进的人们似乎并不那么幸福。就我而言，显然存在享乐适应：我对任何事物的兴奋感都消退得非常快。
这让我得出了一个看似陈腐的结论：幸福源于内心。而这个结论把我带上了一条修炼内在自我的道路，使我意识到所有真正的成功都在内心，与外部环境关系不大。
不过，无论如何，人还是得去做那些外在的事情。我们受生物本能的驱使。说“你可以简单地放下”是轻率的。生活经历最终会将你带回到内在的道路上。[7]
尤其当一个游戏有巨大回报时，擅长它的问题在于你会继续玩下去，甚至远远超过你本该超脱的阶段。
生存和繁衍的驱动让我们踏上了工作的跑步机，而享乐适应让我们停留在上面。诀窍在于知道何时跳下来，去玩耍而非继续。
你认为谁是成功的？
大多数人认为，当某人赢得了他们自己所参与的游戏时，这个人就是成功的。如果你是运动员，你可能会认为顶级运动员是成功的；如果你在商界，你可能会想到埃隆·马斯克。
几年前，我会说史蒂夫·乔布斯，因为他曾是推动力之一，创造了一些改变全人类生活的东西。我认为马克·安德森（Marc Andreessen）是成功的，不是因为他最近作为风投的身份，而是因为他在网景公司（Netscape）做出的卓越贡献。中本聪（Satoshi Nakamoto）也是成功的，因为他创造了比特币，这个不可思议的技术创造将在未来几十年内产生深远影响。当然，还有埃隆·马斯克，他改变了人们对现代科技和创业可能性的看法。我认为这些创造者和商业化先驱是成功的。
对我来说，真正的赢家是那些完全退出游戏的人，那些甚至不参与游戏、超越了游戏的人。他们具有强大的内在精神、自控力和自我觉察，不需要从别人那里得到任何东西。我认识的几位这样的人中，Jerzy Gregorek 就是其中之一。我认为他是成功的，因为他不需要任何人的认可。他内心平静，身体健康，是否赚更多或更少的钱对他的精神状态没有任何影响。
从历史上看，我会说传说中的佛陀或克里希那穆提（Jiddu Krishnamurti），我喜欢阅读他们的作品。他们的成功在于他们完全超脱于游戏之外，输赢对他们来说毫无意义。
我读过布莱兹·帕斯卡（Blaise Pascal）的一句话，大意是：“人类所有的问题都源于他无法安静地独自坐在房间里。” 如果你能静静地坐上三十分钟并感到幸福，你就是成功的。这是一个非常强大的状态，但很少有人能够达到。[6]
我认为幸福是和平的外在表现。如果你内外平和，最终会带来幸福。但平和是一件非常难得的事。讽刺的是，大多数人试图通过战争来获得平和。当你创业时，某种意义上，你是在打仗。当你与室友争论谁应该洗碗时，你也是在打仗。你在争取一份安全感和未来的平和。
事实上，平和并非保证，它总是在流动、在变化。你需要学会如何与生活同流，接受它在大多数情况下的状态。[8]
你几乎可以从生活中得到任何你想要的东西，只要它是唯一的，并且你比任何其他事情都更想要它。
在我个人的体验中，我最常想要的就是平和。
平和是静止状态的幸福，而幸福是运动中的平和。你可以随时将平和转化为幸福，但大多数时候，你真正想要的是平和。如果你是一个内心平和的人，你所做的任何事情都会是幸福的活动。
如今，我们认为获得平和的方式是解决所有外部问题。但外部问题是无限的。唯一能真正获得内心平和的方法是放弃“问题”这个概念。[77]